Porn is love you can see.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
