Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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