My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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