He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
