Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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