Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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