It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You are the jesus of drinking
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He did a backflip because drugs
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