I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
