home. puking in laundry basket.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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