problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
this hospital has no fireball
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
