Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Randomize
