remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
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No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
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I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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