oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The convent might be a nice break from real life
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
