oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Randomize
