At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm both gender and math confused
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
