I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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