i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
