i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
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This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
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My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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