at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
