did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
