i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
