I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
