You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
