My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
