I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
