At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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