come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
