I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
