i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
