First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
