Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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