I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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