You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
