Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
