it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
