ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
