Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
