Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
