Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
