real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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