**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Found the puke drawer
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
