My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
