if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
