Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
