he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
