I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
