By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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