I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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