dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
