she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
