My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
