he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
