Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Found the puke drawer
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
