At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You brought string cheese to the strip club
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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