At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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