I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
