I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
