how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
