In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize