Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
