you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
