How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Holy shit dude........stairs
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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